Boundary Setting: During the Holidays
The holiday season can be challenging for many reasons, with one of these reasons being the desire to set boundaries with family but feeling conflicted with how to navigate this. I often hear from people that they are stressed/overwhelmed/emotionally exhausted/etc. leading up to family functions and while at family functions because these may be events that typically haven’t felt safe. While we may hope family members will act differently during holidays (kinder, more respectful, more understanding, etc.), people don’t magically change just because it’s a holiday, and setting realistic expectations and boundaries is important. While it may initially feel challenging to communicate expectations and boundaries, it can help decrease stress and feelings of overwhelm while also assisting in fostering deeper and more meaningful connections with loved ones. Here is how to prepare yourself for family holiday events, if you choose to attend.
Leading up to the event, identify what you need and what your limits are, and then communicate this. This could look like setting a time constraint and communicating this limit before and during the event. This could look like identifying what is realistic for you and your family, and planning accordingly. For example, is it realistic for you to attend a family event during your child’s naptime? Maybe, or maybe you say you can come before or after your child’s naptime. Remember that in situations where there previously have been minimal or no boundaries, family members may give pushback and not understand. However, this is where communication comes in.
Communication is essential. Be respectful, clear, and firm when you communicate your needs. Remember, it is absolutely okay to prioritize yourself and your nuclear family. Clear communication prevents misunderstandings.
It’s okay to say “no.” If an event does not align with your/your nuclear family’s needs, you can decline. You are not obligated to attend any function. Decide where your energy would be best spent.
Define what your priorities are. What is most important to you during the holidays, and how can you meet those needs? Perhaps you are looking forward to reconnecting with friends and family you don’t often see. Perhaps the holidays have often been a time of stress for you and you want to prioritize your own self-care and alone time to recharge.
In terms of gift-giving, determine what you can comfortably afford, and stick to your budget. This will help avoid financial stress before, during, and after the holidays.
